I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
