i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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