You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
4 words: hood of his car
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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