I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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