Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did i walk over a car last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
