I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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