Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
