I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
