...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
