i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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