I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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