the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
