I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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