HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize