YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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