I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
