i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your penis caused this!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
