he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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