i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
