just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
