And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
