why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
