Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
