so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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