but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize