Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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