don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
