Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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