I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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