I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
