glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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