My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize