she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
