You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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