Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The adults are the big ones right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
