could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
