I wish I could teleport
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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