first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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