It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
