Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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