I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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