I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
