Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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