Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
