One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
