I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
