Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
