I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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