the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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