im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
