why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
