Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
