I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
