Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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