So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
