Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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