just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
