is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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