My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
