In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
