i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
