I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
