Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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