That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
