I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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