Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
