she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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