no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
