God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
